Marriage is hard.
But what do you expect when you take one broken sinner and put them in a confined space with another broken sinner? Not to mention, you throw in a couple of other little broken sinners along the way.
Oh, and it’s supposed to last for forever.
It’s madness. Anyone with logic and reason would say that it just shouldn’t work.
And yet miraculously, it still does.
When I was single, I couldn’t wait for the day when I found “the One.” I thought, “If only I got married, I would be happy. I wouldn’t be lonely. I would be fulfilled. My life would be complete. My husband will be the answer to all my problems. Of course, after Jesus.” Because you need to add that last qualifier to anything as a Christian, otherwise people will accuse you of being a bad Christian.
And then I got married and I realized that I still get unhappy. I still get lonely. My fulfillment isn’t found in my husband. My life isn’t complete. RJ isn’t the answer to all my problems and in fact, sometimes he adds to my problems, as I do his.
And on top of it all? Marriage is like a mirror that you look in and realize just how deeply shitty and broken of a person you really are.
Sometimes it’s too painful to look at, too hard to bear, and so you cover it up and blame it on the other person instead. Sometimes, you see it all and it seems too much, so you just feel like giving up on yourself.
Sometimes, marriage feels like a huge monkey fight, where one monkey is throwing its feces at the other, and vice versa, and in the end there are feces all over the place and the last thing you want to do is clean it all up because you spent all your energy throwing it at the other monkey and geez, that’s a lot of feces…where do you even begin? Is it even worth salvaging, as messy as it’s become? Or should you just give up on it and start over somewhere else?
Marriage is hard. It’s just not logical.
But it’s deeply refining…only if you let it be.
Only if you’re willing to walk monkey paw in monkey paw with your partner and both begin the cleanup process, as small and insignificant as your efforts may seem at first when compared to the huge mess that’s been created.
Only if you’re willing to do the work, let your guard down, and open your heart up to your spouse, deeply broken places and all.
Only if you treat their heart with tenderness and care.
Only if you’re willing to look within yourself, the scary and broken and dirty places and all.
Only if you can acknowledge your part and ask for forgiveness.
Only if you’re willing to truly forgive.
Marriage isn’t all peaches and cream and sunshine and rainbows, my friends. I’m just telling you like it is. But in those moments, though it may not feel this way, gosh is it still worth it.
Monkey feces and all.