Last night, I had a pretty amazing dream. In my dream, I was meeting with the people who interviewed me for the job that I am still waiting to hear back from. They told me that I got the job, and proceeded to walk me through all the logistics of when I would start work, what my hours would look like, how I would be trained, etc.
And then I woke up. And I laid there for about 10 minutes just dealing with the sheer disappointment that my dream wasn’t real life.
<Sigh> I hate waiting. Gosh, I just absolutely hate waiting. Who likes waiting?? I’m pretty sure no one does!!
I hate waiting to hear back, I hated waiting for a husband, I hate waiting in lines at the grocery store, I hate waiting for packages to arrive in the mail. I just. Hate. Waiting.
You see, I’m the type of person that just goes and gets things done. Perhaps I’m driven, or perhaps I am just driven by anxiety. But I often figure, why wait? Why let things loom over your head when you have the power to do something about it now?
The problem is, I don’t always have the power to do something about it now. And that’s the part that just kills me.
I think my problem with waiting is that I feel completely at the mercy of God. And I’m not talking about waiting for packages or waiting in line at this point (as much as I don’t enjoy these things).
I’m talking about big things. Jobs. Spouses. Being accepted in a school program.
I want to know what is going to happen and when, and I hate that I don’t know and that I have no control over it at all. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel vulnerable.
But God makes us wait for many reasons, as I am learning during this waiting game.
He makes us wait to remind us that we aren’t in control of our lives, but He is. And sometimes, when it feels like I have everything in my control, I forget that.
He makes us wait to remind us to trust Him. To trust that He is good, that He is faithful, that He knows what is best for us, that He is sovereign.
He makes us wait to draw us closer to Him as we trust Him. To lean on Him when we have nothing else to lean on.
He makes us wait to give us His best. There were plenty of times where I showed Him what was “best” for me. But He made me wait, only to give me something “bestest.”
He makes us wait to build our character and to make us good “wait-ers,” with growing patience, with growing kindness, with growing faith.
And though every fiber of my flesh is crying out, “Do something!!! Do ANYTHING you can to shorten the waiting!! Just make the uncomfortable-ness stop!!!,” a quiet and still voice says, “Wait on Me.”
Some days I fail so hard at this. Some days, I do well.
But I am thankful that no matter how well I wait, God is always good and God is always sovereign.
And for these reasons, I can wait on Him.