If we are friends on Facebook, then you know that I had a job interview today. Thanks to those who have been praying for me, I have felt your prayers, and I have been blessed by them!
After the interview, RJ asked me how it went. I said, “Okay, I think…” but what I really wanted to say was, “I think it went REALLY REALLY well!!!” Why was it so hard to share that with him? Or with anyone else? Or even with myself?
Because I’m afraid to hope. Or at least, I’m afraid to hope in the job.
You see, I have this problem with letting my mind get ahead of myself. In the interview, I started to imagine myself working with this company. I started to get really excited. I started to believe that maybe I had a chance. I started to get ATTACHED.
And then I had to shut that sucker down.
Because I cannot let myself hope in anything other than God. I cannot let myself hope in my ability, I cannot let myself hope in what I perceived to be a good connection with the interviewers, I cannot let myself hope in my qualifications, I just cannot let myself hope in the job.
“Isn’t hope a good thing? Shouldn’t we be able to hope with God?”
Very true, hope is a great thing! We CAN hope with God! But for me, when I start to make plans that I think God would be okay with, I start to envision myself living this plan, I get too attached, and then I am so devastated when it doesn’t work out the way I envisioned it would. I don’t realize it at the time, but I’ve slowly made the shift from hoping in God, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, to hoping in MY plan, which I really just hope God “okay’s.”
And sometimes, He doesn’t “okay” it. But that’s only because He wants to give me something better.
So rather than letting myself run ahead of what my reality is now, for the sake of guarding my heart from being attached to something that may never be mine, I just can’t let myself go there. I can’t hope in my plan. I can’t hope in this job.
But I can hope in God, who knows the plans He has for me, which are to prosper me and help me. I can hope in God, who works EVERYTHING out for the good of those who love Him. I can hope in God, who has already written out each day of my life as a beautiful story of redemption. I can hope in God.
The interview went well, by the way. :)