:: The Good Thing About Good Friday ::

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[Disclaimer: There is strong language in this post. If this offends you, then I suggest you not read it.] These past few days have been…well, for lack of a better word, a huge shitstorm of shit upon shit raining down. Normally, I have no problem rolling with the punches. A punch here, a punch there. Okay, no problem. Shake it off, and get back in the game. But when every damn thing is raining down on you all at once,… Read more »

:: Inside the Hospital Walls: National Eating Disorder Awareness Week ::

My NEDA recovery tattoo

It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I always manage to forget until the very end of the week, and then I think, oh wait…I should really write something, since my journey to recovery has played such a huge role in shaping who I am today. In the past, I’ve written very generally about treatment for anorexia, and the overall grueling process of recovery. About 10 years ago, I even posted some journal entries from my time in the hospital on my Xanga (Kids are… Read more »

:: Bad Coping Skills ::

It's so bad that I need TWO phones!  Just kidding, just testing out my sister's iPhone 6 Plus.

I have a serious problem, you guys. I’m kind of, like…seriously addicted to my phone. I wasn’t always this way. While everyone else had the fancy iPhone 4S, I was rockin’ an iPhone 3 (not even a 3GS) that moved as slow as a dinosaur (spoiler alert: dinosaurs don’t move anymore because they’re dead.). It’d take forever to load up apps, and so finally I’d just give up altogether. Ain’t nobody got time for that! But then, the iPhone 5 came… Read more »

:: Waiting Well and Living Well…Cuz YOLO ::

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See this wall? It’s a pretty large blank wall. It looks sad. Every night before I fall asleep, I look at this wall and think, “I should really do something with this wall.” But then, I always talk myself out of it by saying, “Nah, we’re going to move soon anyways. I’ll just wait.”  I’ve been saying this for almost six years. Now, to be fair, there’ve been a few times where we really could have moved by now. After two years, when RJ… Read more »

:: Self-Actualization ::

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About a month ago, RJ and I went up to Big Bear with some friends to hike in the snow. Before we left our house, one of our friends asked, “Are you guys going to bring Daisy?” …Really? This prissy dog?? The same Daisy who hates going for walks in the rain because her precious little paws get wet? The Daisy who doesn’t play well with big dogs because they play too “ruff” (see what I did there? I’m so funny,… Read more »

:: The Weary World Rejoices ::

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[This post was originally published on December 25th, 2013.] Christmas can be an amazing and joyful time of celebration with friends and family. But for many, this holiday season can be difficult and incredibly heart-wrenching. Whether it’s the recent loss of a loved one, or the constant reminders of one’s loneliness, or the looming new year up ahead reminding you of how another year has passed you by and your life is still not at all what you’d envisioned it’d… Read more »

:: On My Own, Pretending He’s Beside Me ::

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RJ’s been in Oregon for the past week and a half. This is the longest we’ve gone without seeing one another since we’ve been married. At first, I thought, “Okay, neat! It’ll be like an adventure where I get to be a strong, independent woman who does strong, independent woman things!” As he was flying last Tuesday evening, I made my way to Trader Joe’s to stock up on necessities, just like a hip, strong, independent woman would do. Like… Read more »

:: Depression Is No Joke ::

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The last time I was suicidal was in 2006. I was 24 at the time. I had been severely depressed for a few months, and had decided to take a personal retreat by myself for the weekend in a nearby motel to sort through the haze of my confusing thoughts. Here’s a pro tip: it’s a really stupid idea to run off to a motel by yourself when you’re severely depressed. Don’t do it. As I sat in the motel… Read more »

:: Life’s Greatest Gift ::

be free

To be fully known. To be fully loved. To be fully accepted. There it is. Life’s greatest gift. To be exposed, vulnerable, laid bare, down to the rottenest of your core, to the filthiest of your being, to the deepest of your pain, to the dirtiest little detail of your worst thoughts and worst sin. You know, the ones that you always vowed you would take to the grave and never let see the light of day. To be stripped… Read more »

:: Parents For A Day, Part 2. Oh Yeah, And My Sister Made Another Baby ::

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Or night. And morning. It all began after a game of Puerto Rico. Well, for my sister, Jenny, brother in law, Alby, and RJ. I was groggy and waking up from a nap. At 9PM. Don’t judge me. Sister: “Oh yeah, also, I was telling Alby that I think I was having contractions during dinner. Want to play Takenoko?” Wait, WHAT. Mind you, dinner was two to three hours earlier. Me: “Uhh well, do you need to, like…go to the… Read more »